Another Angel

So today is a sad day. I woke up with some bleeding and cramping, I headed to the Drs office knowing in my heart my baby was gone. During the ultrasound I just stared at my two beautiful boys to keep me focused on something positive. I think I only heard 1/2 of what she said because I don't think my heart could take the news.

No matter how many times you have a miscarriage or how far along you are it still a pain like no other. A piece of your heart dies. I am the type of person who falls in love easy and as soon as that test says positive that's it I am in love. So it is heartbreaking to hear that little person, no matter how small its is, that I fell in love with is gone.

I think because I have gone through this before its a little easier to deal with and being able to look at my perfect little boys gets me through and keeps my mind off things. Deep down I know that everything happens for a reason and I trust in God's plan for me and my family but today that knowledge doesn't make me feel any better.

I keep thinking about all the plans we made, the names we picked out and the hopes/dreams we had about expanding our family. And now its all gone, like it never existed and I am left a little broken. I don't forget for a second how blessed I already am and try to tell myself that God just needed another perfect little angel.

I am so lucky to have a great husband, beautiful kids, amazing family and friends who support me and love me. Life does go on, my heart will heal and maybe one day another baby will come around.