Buy used and save the difference

I think many people know this saying from the TLC show "19 kids and Counting" where the very conservative family with 19 children document their daily lives. I am a reality show junky and this show is on my list of shows I watch.  One of the sayings of the family is to "buy used and save the difference" and it is something I am trying to do more of to save money for our family. One of the reasons why I want to buy used things is because my kids grow out of clothes so amazingly fast. My second son Connor is wearing his older brothers clothes and most of them still look brand new because they only wear them for a month if that. Same with toys, my son Tristen loves a toy for a week and then moves on.

I know saving this money for my family is my job as a stay at home mom. So why do I feel so uncomfortable about it? I have bought two t-shirts and one jacket from "Once Upon a Child" and I would feel so embarrassed if someone knew they were from a used clothing store. Why do we want to buy our children name brand clothing when all they do is get them dirty.

I feel like I am in competition with fellow moms for having the best stuff, cutest clothes and the most name brands. Why is that a focus on so many parents? I know a few moms that if they knew I would buy used clothing and toys would turn up their nose at me and for what, saving money for my child's future?

Why do I feel guilty about it then? Logically it is so stupid to feel bad or embarrassed because of this. It is not like I can not afford new everything for my kids, it is that I place more importance on paying off my student loan (the only debt we have) and saving for their future. Then why do so many other moms look down on this? Is it because they are jealous? Is it because they are trying to fill a void in their own lives through their children? Is it because they just don't understand what is more important?

I am not sure which is right or if it is something else all together. But I am not going to let someones issues affect my goals for my children. So yes I will buy used and save the difference so my child can go on vacations, get a car when they turn 16 and go to college without a huge student loan balance.

I encourage all of my fellow mommies to do the same, pay off your debt, cut up your credit cards and save money for your families future.

Opinions

I thinks it's funny how people think they are entitled to tell you what you are doing wrong with your kids. It's amazing people will approach me in the supermarket to give me their advice and opinions on raising my children. It first really shocked me and made me very uncomfortable, but now I think its quite entertaining. You can very easily become very upset and offended by friends and strangers suggestions on how to raise your children. I think what people forget is that all children are different, they do things differently, they handle things differently and they respond to things differently. So as parents we must be different, what works for one parent/child does not work for every parent/child.

I first felt the sting of fellow mommies opinions when I was not able to continue breast feeding my first son. She was very judgemental like I choose not to breast feed him. When the reality was I lost my milk and tried everything to get it back. I was already feeling like a horrible mommy and I didn't need her to criticize me, I needed a fellow mommy to support and uplift me. I mean that is what we are supposed to do right?!?! Instead she preached to me how important breast feeding is for my child and its my job as his mom to do what's best for him. I just smiled at her and kept my feelings and tears inside because I knew I was and will always do what's best for my child. I think breast feeding is great but it's not for every mommy and baby and I would never judge someone with how they choose to take care of their child. What is MOST important is that child eats.

I wish more mommies would uplift instead of judge and criticize. Its so important that we support each other instead of tear each other down. The saying "it takes a village to raise a child" is so true except now our villages are friends,mommy groups and even strangers we run into. So we must support each other and encourage each other.

Learning to be a parent

No one ever tells you how to be a parent, you watch how other people do it, watch parents on TV and try and trust your own instincts. But it is inevitable you will make a mistake. I didn't realise what a learning curve I would have when it came to parenting my own child. You go about your day doing what you think is great parenting and then you read an article or have a behavior that is developing you don't like and then you realize you have been doing things wrong all along.

This has just happened to me. I joined a group on facebook called positive parenting, they posted an article about parenting a defiant child. Not that Tristen is really defiant but I am starting to see aggressive behaviors that is he is refusing to change. Come to find out kids before the age of 6 do not understand the word "don't". So when you say "Don't touch that" they hear "touch that". Well no wonder T smiles and then touches whatever we tell him not to. The best approach is to tell and show them what you want them to do. Which is pretty common sense but for some reason didn't occur to me when it came to the DVD player and TV. I model soft and gentle touch when it comes to Connor but didn't think to apply that to the other things he hits.

Also in the article it talked about 3 different parenting approaches and steps to follow with the proper approach. I have posted them below for anyone who would like to learn more.

There are so many parenting tips and tools but until you run into an issue you don't realize what to do. And what is more interesting what works for one child may not work for the other. I swear my kids need to come with owner's manual so I know how to best approach each of them to get them to behave. I also have to keep reminding myself that Tristen is only 17 months old and just because he gets things easily doesn't mean he really understands what I am trying to tell him to do.

Approaches

A passive approach says, “Approve of me, love me, is it okay with you if___.” A passive approach does not engender respect or compliance, so a passive person often resorts to manipulation or ‘going through the back door’ to get their needs met. Passive communication is not effective communication.

 

An aggressive approach says, “I am right and you are wrong, no matter what.” It often includes threats, blame, severe consequences or “you” statements that are focused solely on the other person. An aggressive approach invites a defensive response and engenders fear. Aggressive communication is not effective communication.

 

An assertive approach says, “Do this,” in a clear and respectful manner with a voice of no doubt. With children, follow these steps to deliver an assertive command:

1. Establish eye contact by approaching the child, getting down on his/her level and moving closer until he/she notices you. For easily distracted children, you may need to get as close as six inches.
2. Verbally tell the child what you want him/her to do. State your expectations clearly and simply. Be certain that the statement is formulated in the positive… focus on what you want them to do and paint a clear picture with your words. “Hold my hand so you are safe when we cross the street.” “Give me the scissors. They are sharp and could cut you.” “Use a quiet voice while we are in the museum.” “Pick up the markers and put them in the shoe box.”
3. Give visual, auditory and tactile cues as often as possible. Demonstrate a gentle touch, gesture in the direction you wish the child to move, practice what a soft voice sounds like, etc.
4. Send the nonverbal message “just do it” with the tone of your voice and with your nonverbal stance as you give the command. If your nonverbal cues are passive, your child may easily refuse. If your nonverbal cues are aggressive, your child will resist in self-defense. When nonverbal and verbal communication both say, “Just do it,” you let the child know your command has meaning.
5. Celebrate your child’s success. The minute the child begins to show any degree of compliance, jump in with praise. Even if s/he wasn’t really going to comply, s/he likely will comply once you begin to praise him/her. “Good for you,” “You did it,” and “way to go” followed by a description of the child’s action are great ways to celebrate them without judging. “Way to go! You’re reaching for my hand so we can cross the street safely!”
6. If your child chooses not to comply, repeat the request and say, “I’m going to show you what to do.” Lead the child gently and instructively in completing the request. Say, “I’m going to show you how to cross the street safely” and take the child’s hand in yours.

Information from the website: http://www.consciousdiscipline.com/resources/challenging_behavior.asp

2 boys....10 days....Oh Boy!!

Why is it so impossible to shop for my children. Tristen is 17 months and Connor is 3 months, it's not like they are EVER going to remember what I bought them. I always have such a hard time finding that "one special" gift. What I keep trying to tell myself is "they rather play with the box than the toy anyway". So why am I stressing?!?!

On the list of things for Tristen, a play kitchen, trucks, tool bench, pedal car and art set. All of which encourage imagination, I am tired of all the toys that make noise and light up. What happened to creative play, I feel like it's gone out the window. Everything works with a push of a button instead of kids making the sound the toy does.

Connor is a bit easier because he has a ton of hand me downs from Tristen. I think I am just getting him a bumbo chair. Because I am cheap I will be going to Once Upon a Child ( a used children's boutique) to save some money. Like the Duggars always say "buy used and save the difference"

It's sad that most people focus so much on what they get they do not put enough thought into the giving. This year my husband and I are not buying anyone gifts. Instead we picked a group to donate too. It's the spirit of the holidays and I think too many of us forget to give especially to those who need it the most.

Ready....Set...Compare

I might get some flack for saying this, but I keep comparing my children. So far they are about as different as you can get. My first son Tristen is super energetic, cannot keep still, very moody and loud, he is advanced physically and is in general a handful. My second son Connor is the ideal baby, he sleeps a lot, very quite and calm, content and not as physical as Tristen was.

I keep finding myself looking back at Tristen's pictures and videos to see what he was doing at 3 months and I am finding myself comparing the two.  When Tristen was 3 months old he was trying to roll over, sitting in his bouncer with no problems and sitting in the tub for his bath. Connor is just holding up his head, wants to sit up but no where near that yet.

 I remember when Tristen was this age, telling my other mommies the things he was doing and all of them were in shock. I always made them worry that their babies were not doing what they were supposed to be doing or they were not doing what they were supposed to do. I could see it on their faces that I made them feel bad. I ended up not talking about what Tristen was doing because I was starting to feel like I was losing friends because of it. To me what he was doing was normal and I knew it wasn't something I was doing that was making him do things early. I am comparing the two boys and now feel like I am not doing what I did with Tristen some how and Connor is not where he is supposed to be. I  just didn't realize how freaky strong Tristen was because I had never been around another baby to compare.

I am trying not to compare Connor to Tristen. It was evident the day Connor was born that he was nothing like his older brother and it's not good nor bad just different. So I just have to keep reminding myself I am the same mom to Connor as I was to Tristen and just because he doesn't roll at 3 months doesn't mean I am not the same Mommy.

I just hope that I do not push Connor to be just like his brother because what makes Connor special is the fact he is unique and not just like his brother.

Woman + Babies = Mush

I have to admit I was not the strongest person emotionally before I had kids. I would cry when I was super happy or sad. Now that I have kids though I am a complete mush. I cry over everything now and no its not postpartum. I mean I cry when my kids do something new, when they out grown clothes, when T says a new word or does something cute/funny and I cry almost every time I see Connor smile, it's the sweetest little smile. 

I used to think I was the only one who did this but after talking to fellow mommies it sounds like this is just part of motherhood.  Could it be a hormonal change? Could it just be because we love them so much? Or does motherhood make you a wuss?

I think it's a combo of all of the three. The things our bodies go through to produce a little human being. Even after having two kids I still question how in the world do they fit in there. It's just the most amazing thing to me and just thinking about how I created these perfect little boys makes me tear up.

The love I have for my babies is so deep. When they fall my stomach literally drops because the thought of them getting hurt actually causes a physical reaction in myself. To describe it, it's like when you go over a hill to fast in your car and you get that funny feeling in your stomach. It almost tickles and that's the feeling I get when I think one of my kids might hurt themselves. I think its because they come from me so I have a deeper connection to them that way.

I also think Motherhood has made me stronger and weaker in many ways. I can function on a lot less sleep, I can handle alot more stress and I think faster on my toes then I used to. I also feel weaker in some aspects. I cry over the little things they do because I am sooo happy or excited for them. I  think a little slower because all I do is narrate my day, sing ABC's, read kiddie books, watch learning cartoons and baby talk (to Connor) all day long so when it comes time to have an adult conversation it's almost a strain.

With all the ways Motherhood has changed me I was not prepared to become a mush over my kids. Before I had kids I would see a mom with her child and laugh over the way she would talk to them like they understood in the grocery store. I would think to myself when I become a parent I am going to be different but little did I know or understand what a mom is and what she does for her children. I used to think my mom was such a wuss and didn't understand why she would tear up all the time over little things. Now... not only do I look just like her but I cry just like her too and I am 100% positive my kids will roll their eyes at me, just like I did my mom, when I start to cry over something little.

I always say I have my dream job. I think its such a blessing that I am able to be with my kids all day everyday. I would not trade the long days and nights for anything. I am proud of my mushiness because without it I would not have beautiful boys!

Entertaining a Toddler

I never realized how hard it would be to entertain a toddler. I mean they are little and easily excited about things so I thought it would be simple...what I didn't factor in was their short attention spans. Normally it's not an issue because we just go to our community park and run off some energy. For the days we cant get out of the house it becomes a HUGE issue with my VERY active toddler. So I thought I would share some things that have really helped me keep my busy toddler occupied.

So a while back on a rainy day I was looking for ideas to keep my very busy toddler occupied. So we had art day! We colored and painted pictures for daddy and we also played with some edible playdough. The painted was not a success because he kept putting the paint brush in his mouth and would cry because the paint tastes horrible so we moved on to the playdough pretty quickly. Tristen didn't quite understand that you don't just eat the playdough but you cut out of it with the cookie cutters. Tristen really liked it for what he understood. The recipe is super easy: 1 cup flour, 1 cup peanut butter and a 1/4 cup honey.

Flash Cards are a very fun activity for my toddler. We point to the pictures and are working on our animal sounds. To me his sound for dog, cat, horse and cow pretty much sound the same but he just loves it when I make a big deal with the sounds he made. We are also working on colors and numbers. I am not sure how much he really understands but he will sit for about 30 minutes while we go through the cards.

Puzzles are also a hit in our house for about 30 minutes. Some of the puzzles he can put together and some he cannot quite get yet.

Pretend Cooking is a family hit. He loves to have us sit on the floor and he will stir in his bowl and pot and then feed us. He laughs every time and will do this all day if we let him.

Building blocks is one of his favorites and actually prefers to build on his own unless you just sit there and watch him. You can see it in his face he is thinking really hard about what he wants to build and will throw a fit if you place anything on his tower because that's not the vision he had. His daddy does the samething :)

In a pinch I do let him watch cartoons and baby Einstein videos. I try and explain what is going on in the shows so he isn't just watching TV. I will use TV so I can get things done and I don't feel bad about it. I know there are a lot of moms that are horrified right now and I think its great if they can entertain their toddler and put away laundry, do dishes, clean the house, cook and feed a newborn without having to distract their toddler with the TV but this mom does.

So those are some of our inside activities that work like a charm. What I have learned is as soon as you think you have it all figured out your toddler will switch things up and keep you guessing. So I am sure in a month none of these things will work and I will have to find all new ones. That's what keeps me busy and entertained and I am thankful I can stay at home and keep my toddler busy :)

My Vows

So I thought about this today while at the gym, that we have such a responsibility to our children to raise them to be good, successful and caring people that maybe we should take vows like we do on our wedding day. So I thought maybe I would do them here, so below are my vows to my boys, in no particular order.

1. I vow to always have your best interests at heart

2. I vow to always be your parent, not just your friend

3. I vow to kiss every ouchie... even when you break your heart

4. I vow to love you to the end of the earth and back

5. I vow to take care of myself so I can be the best mommy for you

6. I vow to love and take care of your father

7. I vow to teach you something new everyday

8. I vow to set a good example of what a good person is

9. I vow to teach you good morals

10. I vow to let you make your own mistakes, but be there for you when you do

11. I vow to listen, even when I don't understand

12. I vow to do whatever I have to do to make sure you have a good home and good education

13. I vow to try not to embarrass you too badly and not on purpose

14. I vow to teach you to be a great husband and father

15. I vow to teach you to dance

16. I vow to always be your soft spot to land...forever

I could go on and on but I think these are my major ones.

Things I never want to forget

A fellow blogger Sue made a post titled " Things I never want to forget" about her beautiful little girl and it inspired me to do that same. Our children grow too quick and I think its such a great idea to write down special moments that you never want to forget. So I am going to do this once a month because there is just so many fantastic things about my boys I never want to forget...even when they are grown men with their own families I want to remember my little baby boys and our special moments together.

I never want to forget the look of amazement on my sons face when they learn something new

I never want to forget how cute Tristen sounds saying peeeaaaasss (please) for things he wants

I never want to forget how special first smiles are and how special they make me feel

I never want to forget how special my boys make me feel when they cuddle with me

I never want to forget baby toes

I never want to forget Tristens giggles as I blow razzberries on his tummy

I never want to forget how sweet good night kisses are

I never want to forget the way Tristen sings into his microphone, plays his guitar  and acts like the rock star he is.

I could go on and on there is just so much I NEVER want to forget. I think this blog will help me have something to look back on when my boys get too old for dear ole' mom.

How life has changed



I was sitting today thinking about how my life has changed so much in the last 2 years. Before Tristen I worked at a corporate job, 9 to 5 and the whole world revolved around me. I got stressed about having a clean house, nice clothes and the perfect hair. I was focused on my career, I had goals of making millions and knew how I wanted to spend it. I talked about life, politics and gossip. I felt like the world was all mine and I had so many opportunities. Looking back it was pretty shallow but at the time I thought it had substance.

After Tristen I work 24/7 and the whole world revolves around him (and Connor). I get stressed about making sure he is learning something new everyday. That he is eating good foods that will help him grow. Making sure HE has nice clothes to wear and the right toys to play with. I am focused on him and his happiness. My goals are to raise a good man, good husband and good father. I have a masters degree and I talk more about poop and pee than anything else.Now my focus is on all of his opportunities and making goals for him. I feel like my life actually means something now not only because I have this little human being looking up to me and relies on me but also because his life could change the world. That's a huge responsibility and I love that I have a hand in that.

So needless to say my focus has changed a bit and I would not trade it for a second. I don't know how many times people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and it was always to be a mommy. I have my dream job and I could not be happier.

What I have learned from Tristen

Tristen has taught me so many fantastic things that I thought I would make a list. When you become a parent you expect to have to teach everything to your kids what you don't expect is all the fantastic things they teach you.

The first thing Tristen has taught me is unconditional love. I have never known love like this. When I walk into his bedroom to get him in the morning his whole world lights up. He has this look on his face like I am his hero. When he doesn't feel well he clings to me because he loves me so much that holding me makes him feel just a little bit better.

The second thing I have learned from Tristen is unconditional trust. It's truly amazing the trust your child has in you. So much so they will fling themselves off a couch knowing that you will catch them. Tristen will run at me when I reach the top of the stairs and jump knowing that I will catch him and he never doubts that. He has taught me to do the same to jump trusting wholeheartedly that the people who love me will always catch me before I fall

The third thing Tristen has taught me is the pure delight of simple things. Tristen amazes me how something so simple can be sooo much fun. For example a pot and spoon, he pretends he is cooking and wants to feed me his special dish and he just thinks it's the greatest thing that mommy eats it. How water coming out of a hose can provide hours of entertainment. He has taught me to take joy in everything.

The fourth thing Tristen has taught me is to relax and enjoy the moment. To many times I have stressed over details and missed moments. Tristen has taught me to slow down, take everything in and enjoy the moment. Because of this I have been able to enjoy Connor in a way that I was not able to with Tristen. With Tristen I was so stressed about everything, I was caught in survival mode that I missed or didn't enjoy so many moments. Now I can sit back with my boys and enjoy the simple moments and I am so grateful for that. Because of this it has made me a better mother, wife and friend.

For those things I will be forever grateful. People always talk about how amazing being a mommy is but no one told me how much I would learn from them, how much love I would have not only for them but the love they give to me and how much fun it truly is.

I am so very thankful for my boys, they have made my life! I have said many times before I don't know what I did to deserve my kids but I am eternally grateful!

Google Queen

I am sure I am not the only mommy who is a Google Queen. Anytime I have a question I "google" it. Anytime I have a worry I "google" it. I started to wonder how mom's before me got their questions answered or if maybe I am not listening to my mommy instinct enough and relying on google to do it for me. I think I am  on google two times a day at least to see if the things my kids are doing are normal or if I am doing what I need to as a mommy to ensure my children grow up well. I don't know how my mom did it without google.

Are we making child rearing too complicated? Are we losing touch with our motherly instincts? Do our children benefit from all of this easily accessed information?  I think we are making child rearing too complicated and we begin to distrust our instincts because some research somewhere says there is a better way.I am not sure if our children really do benefit from all of this increased knowledge or not, I am sure I could argue both sides of this one. I don't know how many times a fellow mommy has said to me "I don't know what I am supposed to do". I always respond with "this is what I do but trust your mommy instincts...YOU know best" and for some reason most of them have this look on their face like :wow why didn't I think of that" or "easy for you to say" because they don't trust that they know best.

I am always looking up things like "when to stop swaddling" or "how to raise a good child" and the things they suggest or say are just so simple; I am like well I knew that. I think it's because it is just that simple. Being cued in on your child I think as a mom you already know what to do. I do believe in checking in with other moms, especially my own, and just getting that confirmation that I do know whats best for my child and I wont screw them up.

So I am going to try to lay off google and listen to my own gut on how to raise my boys. There is a little truth to the saying "mama knows best"

Adventures in Potty Training

Potty training mode has hit our household in full force. I have a 16 month old who is showing the signs that he is ready to start potty training and that makes Mom and Dad VERY excited!

For some reason I am a little terrified to potty train my son. This feels like the first thing I am teaching him to do and I am afraid I am going to mentally scar him for life. So I have been researching how to potty train. What I keep finding is....there isn't tricks to potty training. I kept looking and looking for what you are supposed to do but its actually really basic. It's funny when you're a mommy you want to be the BEST mommy in the entire world so you over complicate things, I tend to do this often and with everything. So I actually wrote out a step by step list of how I wanted to start potty training. I planned on going through each step and by the end of it my son would be a potty training pro.

The first thing on the list was to buy a little potty and every time I went to the bathroom to let my son come in and sit on his potty and explain to him that this is where you go potty. To my surprise my son was further along in the "darling potty training process" then I was prepared. He came right up to me lifted his shirt up and pointed to his diaper. I responded with "do you need to go potty" and sure enough he ran to the bathroom door and pounded on it. I was not prepared for him to understand what I meant and was still sitting in my chair with my 2 month old. So I had to put the baby down and run to the door to let him in, of course he had already gone. But it just showed me that it's really a simple process if you just let them do it. So now we are on to step 2 which is putting him on the potty during set times and if he goes GREAT and if he doesn't at least he tried!

Tonight was the first night that we put him on the potty while we got his bath going and he went. He looked down with amazement and said "all done". I got so excited that I cried...who cries over pee...I do! LOL Funny thing is now when I look at him I don't see this little baby, he is now a big boy and all I want to do is freeze time because its just going too fast.

I am sure as we get further into potty training I will have more stories to tell but the morale of the story is...don't over think the process and to just let everything happen when it is ready to happen.

First Blog

So I have made the decision to start a blog not only for my family to read but to have something to show my boys when they get older. I wanted something to show them all the fun things they got to do when they were little, all the fun things they learned and experienced. I also wanted to share my experience with fellow mommies. I think to many people keep their mommy experiences and don't share them, I don't know how many of my fellow mommies say "I wish someone would have told me that". We all go through very similar experiences with our kids, why not share what we learned.

So a little about us, I was lucky enough to have found and married my soul mate Shane. We "dated" in Jr high in Nebraska. I ended up moving 30 minutes away and to a 13 year old it might as well have been 300 miles away. So I sent him a Dear John letter breaking things off and he will tell you how heartbroken he was. We didn't speak until he crashed my sweet 16 pool party, I had invited some fellow friends and Shane had the car to drive them there. We  then"dated" again for about a month, but living 30 miles apart was just to far away LOL. We then ran into each other again when we were 18 in a little dance club. We "dated" all summer until I went back to college and he went to Arizona. This time we stayed in contact and every time he came to Nebraska we would hang out. After College I moved to Indiana where my parents were living and stayed a year. The entire year we talked about our connection and love for each other so I made the decision to take a chance and moved to Arizona. It wasn't long before fate took over and we were married.

We found out the day after our wedding we were pregnant, VERY unexpectedly. We went on our honeymoon and moved to California right after that. At 10 weeks we finally got a Dr appointment and found out that we were miscarrying. To be on the safe side we went in for an ultrasound the next week and saw an empty sac. My whole world fell from cloud nine. Three months later we were pregnant again and we were back on cloud 9. Unfortunately 6 weeks into the pregnancy Shane's mom died. We were able to tell her we were pregnant but when we had the ultrasound to confirm a heartbeat she had already passed. We were blessed enough to have her as our guardian angel to watch over us and our pregnancy. Tristen was born on 7/10/09 happy and healthy. It was the most amazing moment of my life. When fellow moms talked about the love they felt the moment they saw their child I always laughed but I am telling you my heart tripled with love the moment I saw him. I could not imagine loving anything more or being able to feel any more love but 14 months later I did with the birth of my second son Connor on 9/21/10. Needless to say my world is VERY blessed.

It hasn't always been easy but when you have a partner who is truly your best friend it makes things bearable and worthwhile. I am very blessed and I am excited to share my life. I may not be the best mommy and always do things right but I do the best that I can and I do everything with love.

So this is our blog, I hope you enjoy it, I hope that I can help mommies whether its just for a good laugh because you have been there before, a good cry because you have felt that before or to help with a situation you are facing because I have been there before; than I have done my job!

ENJOY!