I read a fellow blogger's post about drowning in motherhood and I busted into tears. I have been feeling like I was drowning for a month now. Having two kids 14 months apart is exhausting. I was too embarrassed to talk about my feeling because I wanted people to think I had it all together, that I was the "perfect" mommy. Well SURPRISE I am not LOL.
I realized if I did not talk about my feelings that other moms who felt the same way would also feel like they were alone in their feelings. Too many times we hold all of this in because we are afraid of what people will think. Well I am going to let the cat out of the bag.
I have alot more good days than bad, I would never for a second change my life, but it is H-A-R-D being a mommy. I thought I was prepared for sleepless nights, stressful days and tantrums but boy was I wrong!! I was also not prepared at how post partum was going to make things that much harder.
There are days I do not have enough patience to deal with the constant screaming from Tristen and feel as though I do not have enough to give to my two babies. When they are both in bad moods and crying I have this overwhelming guilt because I cannot give what they both need. I always feel like one is not getting enough. The logical part of me says that is not true but compared to the Mommy part of me I can barely hear the logical voice.
As many times as my husband tells me I am doing a great job, I do not feel that way. It is very much like drowning, I have days where I feel like I am in the middle of the ocean with no help in sight, fighting to keep my head above water and knowing that in a matter of moments I am going to lose it.
Do I have good days, of course I do, and in the moments of madness I try and remember them. I try to remind myself that I cannot do everything, I cannot have a perfect house, have the perfect dinner and be the perfect mom/wife all the time...or even most the time. That most people are like me, I am not the exception, I am the norm.
I wish more people talked about the struggles of being a mom so more of us didn't feel so guilty for not being able to do it all.
Sarah, no mom is perfect or can keep it together all the time. You're not alone, you are just honest and able to be real about it. I appreciate that quality in you.
ReplyDeleteI agree, this is definitely the norm, and I think it is great that you admit it. More moms need to hear that they are not alone in this thinking.
ReplyDeleteI often feeling like I am drowning too!