Welcome to the Club

I have recently felt like I have been accepted into this VERY exclusive club of breastfeeding mama's. I did not realize there was this club type mentality until I was not able to feed my first son Tristen for more than 2 months. I got frowns, criticisms and judgements when telling my story. I felt shunned by this exclusive club. On top of already feeling down on myself for losing my milk having the "club members" judge me felt even worse. I vowed at that moment to never make another mommy feel like that. I am always saying it is more important that a child is fed. I do not judge those who do not breastfed for whatever reason.

Saying that, this time around I have had alot more success feeding my second son Connor. We have been breastfeeding for almost 4 months now. It has been an up and down struggle but I truly enjoy it. I now get these looks from people when I am feeding him like I am now in a very exclusive club of mommies. I am very proud of my accomplishment and love the connection Connor and I share because of it. Having people accept me now as part of the breastfeeding club is a bonus that is for sure. I do not feel like I am judged as much when people know I breastfeed.

What is also amazing is the support I get, not only from fellow friends/family who have breastfed but also from amazing websites full of complete strangers who know what you are going through. It is like the saying "it takes a village to raise a child" It is so true but I think that village now include complete strangers all over the world.

I am proud to be in this club because this adventure has not been easy. I again do not look down on anyone who chose not to feed their child this way or couldn't. It is more important that the child is fed. Atleast to me :)

Taking a Time Out

Why is it so hard for us mommies to take a time out for ourselves. Could it be we are just too focused on our children to take a moment to think about ourselves. Could it be after running around all day we are just too tired to take a moment for ourselves. Could it be that we put ourselves at the bottom of the daily to do list and just never gets finished. I think it is all of the above, but I think that its so important that we do focus on ourselves a little bit each day.

This was my new years resolution. Take a hour everyday to focus on myself. How am I doing this you ask? I am going to go to the gym. I am finding myself being tired and sluggish with my children, so I drink coffee and soda to keep going. Which has made me unhealthy taking time off my life I am sure, which in turn takes me away from my children and possible grandchildren. I am personally not happy with the way I look which does not promote my children to have a positive self image if I cannot have one.

So this year I am taking an hour a day to get myself back. To give me more energy, to be healthier and happier.  Because I know that one hour every day will make me a better mommy, wife and woman. So I challenge all of you fellow mommies to force yourself to spend just an hour a day making yourself happy. I choose to workout but it can be reading, sitting in silence or something creative. Just put yourself at the top of the to do list for just one hour!

Gender Toys

For Christmas we decided to get Tristen a little play kitchen. He loves to play in our kitchen with the pots and pans and I wanted him to have something to play with that will allow him to play creatively. I didn't put another thought into getting him the kitchen until today when we went to go look at the kitchens to figure out which one I would like to get, I had such a hard time finding them in Toys R Us. Come to find out they are in the "girls" toys. I had to ask the sales associate where to find them and she even gave me a funny look because I had two boys with me. I never once put any thought that a play kitchen might be a "girl" toy.

It got me thinking if I planned on only doing gender "appropriate" toys. So far most of our toys are "boy" toys with balls, trucks, Lego's and other sports toys. When I was picking them out I don't believe I thought about them being "boy" toys but more about I knew my son would love to play with them.

We got him a stuffed Woody doll from toy story when we brought Connor home and refer to it as "his baby". It helped with the jealousy when I was feeding or changing Connor we would tell Tristen to go get his baby and feed or change him.  I would not have hesitated if he would want to play with with a barbie or a "girly" toy. I know Shane would question why a pink barbie was in the house but would not make a big deal about it. I wonder if other people would be as relaxed about it. It also got me thinking about Nature vs nurture when it came to gender roles as well, but I could discuss that forever!

I think having both gender toys are a good teaching tool. I am raising not only boys but, husbands and daddy's and one day those boys will need to learn to cook, care for a baby and take care of their wives and I think playing with "girl" toys helps reinforce those characteristics. Plus it maybe the only chance I have to have something pink instead of blue in my house ;)

Mommy Bootcamp: Terrible twos

So as we fastly approach the terrible twos I am learning how to parent through the tantrums, crying , lack of communication and endless screaming. There are a few things I am learning on the fly and a few things fellow mommies have helped me with.

One thing I must first say is EVERY CHILD is different and what works for one does not always work for the other. Too many parents judge one another and act like the way they parent is the only way...which is far from the truth. There are also too many parents that feel like a failure when a fellow parents suggestion does not work. So if what you are doing now does not work, try something new but do not think that you are a failure...you are not! It's like the saying "try...try and then try again".

So as I begin to parent a toddler and specifically a toddler going through the "terrible twos" I am learning along with my child. I feel like I am in Mommy bootcamp and each day is something new and challenging. One of the things I am learning on the fly is to pick and choose my battles. My toddler cannot begin to understand all the things I want him to. So I am picking and choosing what things to give in on and what things not to.

For example because of this whole bed bug issue the boys cannot sleep in their own rooms. Connor goes to bed about an hour before Tristen so he is fast asleep when Tristen wants to take his bath before bed. The issue is the bathroom is right next to where Connor is sleeping so to prevent Connor from waking up during Tristen bath we thought we would just give Tristen a bath in the downstairs tub...well Tristen acted like it was the worst thing on the entire planet and a HUGE tantrum ensued. I started to think is it really worth it to calm him down, explain to him that this is the only way and have him cry through the bath...no it was not. So I chose not to fight this one, if Connor wakes up he wakes up. In the end Connor did not wake up, Tristen had a fun bath and is now fast asleep!

A battle I will fight is hitting...period. We give a warning and explain to Tristen that hitting hurts and is not acceptable. If he continues...which he usually does he goes into time out for a minute and then he must say (show) he is sorry and we explain again hitting is not acceptable. Or screaming and crying when he does not get his way. I fully understand that the terrible twos have more to do with not being able to communicate than anything else. So I am patient through the screaming, have him tell me what he wants or point to what it is and most of the time it is something he can have. What I want to teach him is if he can calmly ask for what he wants he can have it. I figure by the time he can do that I can then explain if it is something he cannot and give him another option.

A suggestion I got from a fellow mommy is to divert his attention. One thing that works like a charm in a middle of a major melt down is to go outside and play. I am lucky enough to have a nice little backyard that he can run off that energy in. Usually after 30-60 minutes in the yard he is ready for a nice long nap. This strategy is good for the both of us. It can be sooo very stressful just sitting inside listening to a screaming kid, but getting outside in the beautiful California weather refreshes both of us and helps me stay focused on my wonderful child than getting caught up in the "terrible" twos.

It's funny because as soon as I think I have this Mommy thing down my kids throw me for a loop. I have learned in Mommy bootcamp never to get to comfortable, be patient, take time to marvel in the beauty of my children no matter what and to relax!

Woman Vs Bed Bugs

There are very few things that I let get to me and one of those things are bugs. I just hate them, I am sure in the big scheme of things they are necessary but I could live with out them. What I hate worse then bugs on me is bugs on my kids, it makes me freak out. A fly landed on Connor's eye once and I flew out of my chair to "protect" him like it was life or death. I ended up scaring the crap out of both my boys.

Just the other day Tristen woke up covered in what I thought were hives on his face. When the "hives" didn't go down after a few hours I started to think that maybe they were bug bites. I had suspected bed bugs for about 6 months now because he always looked "nibbled" on after naps and in the morning but I could never find a single bug and Tristen has always had really sensitive skin. I was a little shocked when I turned over the mattress to find a ton of bed bugs.

I called Orkin and scheduled a visit to get them killed, probably the only murdering I do not find offensive. The nice southern lady gave me a list of things I needed to do to get ready for the treatment. It did not sound like alot to do (maybe it was her sweet accent that sucked me in), just wash everything in the room that I could on high heat and dry for 2 hours. Everything I could not wash bag up and put outside.

As I started to tackle my first load of laundry I realized that maybe this was going to be a much bigger project that I expected. 1 load from start to finish was going to take me 2 and 1/2 hours.... Thus far I have done 7 loads start to finish ( 17 1/2 hours worth of laundry.... I have one in the washer, 1 in the drying and 7 more loads to go. To make matters worse that is only the boys stuff. If I have to wash all of the stuff in my room I am sure that is another 17 hours of laundry. Luckily as of right now I do not have to wash all of the things in my room

Once the Orkin man showed up I heard the worst words to a budgeting stay at home mom could hear..."Ohhh this could get expensive". 3 grand to be exact. I guess there is a heat treatment where they can heat the house to 160 degrees to kill any bed bugs that might be hiding in other rooms besides Tristens room. Since we could not find any bugs other than in Tristens room we picked the "cheaper" option of 650.00 for both kids room.

Now for the next 30 days no one can go in there, no clothes, no kids, no one...this puts a huge cramp in the sleeping arrangements in our house. Tristen is now in the office in a pack and play and Connor is in our room in a pack in play. I am feeling pretty defeated by a pin sized bug

At 1pm  I thought "man I have these bed bugs beat"... Now at 8 pm I am pretty sure the bed bugs won....

Venting

Today I am realizing how important venting is when you're a mom. I usually keep it all in and either forget why I was frustrated or swallow all the frustration and blow up later.

Today pushed me over the edge. After spending 3 weeks in Atlanta for the holidays the 4 of use boarded a 5 hour flight home, we barley survived and made it home frustrated and tired. I just went to bed early and never dealt with my frustration.

Then this morning the chaos begins. Tristen woke up with a face full of bumps. I thought maybe it was hives from crying so hard and didn't think much of it. As the morning continued quietly Tristen  pulled out a full sippy of milk and juice he hid before our trip making the house smell like rotten milk and fermented juice. After seeing the bumps on Tristens face still there at 10am I thought maybe something in his bed was biting him (a spider) After throwing the sheets over the railing I picked up his mattress  to get the bed skirt off and as I lifted the skirt I saw all the bed bugs!!! I ran down stairs to throw the sheets into the wash so the bugs did not spread. I called Terminix and set up an appointment for 2-4, At 4 I called them to see if they were running late...Nope they did not set my appointment. I just lost it. I had held all my frustration from the travel in and today's events just pushed me over the edge. I was  a wreck and I could see my temperament rubbing off on Tristen and Connor. Connor just cried the entire time he ate and Tristen was really concerned kept checking on me, throwing tantrums to get my attention and crying himself. After the boys were in bed I had time to think about what the situation really was and realized that if I had just vented I would not have taken it out on my kids.

As a mom we want to do it all and when we cannot we just beat ourselves up and this in turn does not help our children or spouses. It's so important that we are in touch with what is really making us upset and having a person you can just vent to. Get out all that emotion so you can be a good mother, wife and friend. I feel much better once I realize that in the big scheme of things bed bugs is not a big deal and its a lot easier to deal with that many other issues that could have went wrong. My kids are happy and healthy and that's all that really matters.

Buy used and save the difference

I think many people know this saying from the TLC show "19 kids and Counting" where the very conservative family with 19 children document their daily lives. I am a reality show junky and this show is on my list of shows I watch.  One of the sayings of the family is to "buy used and save the difference" and it is something I am trying to do more of to save money for our family. One of the reasons why I want to buy used things is because my kids grow out of clothes so amazingly fast. My second son Connor is wearing his older brothers clothes and most of them still look brand new because they only wear them for a month if that. Same with toys, my son Tristen loves a toy for a week and then moves on.

I know saving this money for my family is my job as a stay at home mom. So why do I feel so uncomfortable about it? I have bought two t-shirts and one jacket from "Once Upon a Child" and I would feel so embarrassed if someone knew they were from a used clothing store. Why do we want to buy our children name brand clothing when all they do is get them dirty.

I feel like I am in competition with fellow moms for having the best stuff, cutest clothes and the most name brands. Why is that a focus on so many parents? I know a few moms that if they knew I would buy used clothing and toys would turn up their nose at me and for what, saving money for my child's future?

Why do I feel guilty about it then? Logically it is so stupid to feel bad or embarrassed because of this. It is not like I can not afford new everything for my kids, it is that I place more importance on paying off my student loan (the only debt we have) and saving for their future. Then why do so many other moms look down on this? Is it because they are jealous? Is it because they are trying to fill a void in their own lives through their children? Is it because they just don't understand what is more important?

I am not sure which is right or if it is something else all together. But I am not going to let someones issues affect my goals for my children. So yes I will buy used and save the difference so my child can go on vacations, get a car when they turn 16 and go to college without a huge student loan balance.

I encourage all of my fellow mommies to do the same, pay off your debt, cut up your credit cards and save money for your families future.