Buy used and save the difference

I think many people know this saying from the TLC show "19 kids and Counting" where the very conservative family with 19 children document their daily lives. I am a reality show junky and this show is on my list of shows I watch.  One of the sayings of the family is to "buy used and save the difference" and it is something I am trying to do more of to save money for our family. One of the reasons why I want to buy used things is because my kids grow out of clothes so amazingly fast. My second son Connor is wearing his older brothers clothes and most of them still look brand new because they only wear them for a month if that. Same with toys, my son Tristen loves a toy for a week and then moves on.

I know saving this money for my family is my job as a stay at home mom. So why do I feel so uncomfortable about it? I have bought two t-shirts and one jacket from "Once Upon a Child" and I would feel so embarrassed if someone knew they were from a used clothing store. Why do we want to buy our children name brand clothing when all they do is get them dirty.

I feel like I am in competition with fellow moms for having the best stuff, cutest clothes and the most name brands. Why is that a focus on so many parents? I know a few moms that if they knew I would buy used clothing and toys would turn up their nose at me and for what, saving money for my child's future?

Why do I feel guilty about it then? Logically it is so stupid to feel bad or embarrassed because of this. It is not like I can not afford new everything for my kids, it is that I place more importance on paying off my student loan (the only debt we have) and saving for their future. Then why do so many other moms look down on this? Is it because they are jealous? Is it because they are trying to fill a void in their own lives through their children? Is it because they just don't understand what is more important?

I am not sure which is right or if it is something else all together. But I am not going to let someones issues affect my goals for my children. So yes I will buy used and save the difference so my child can go on vacations, get a car when they turn 16 and go to college without a huge student loan balance.

I encourage all of my fellow mommies to do the same, pay off your debt, cut up your credit cards and save money for your families future.

Opinions

I thinks it's funny how people think they are entitled to tell you what you are doing wrong with your kids. It's amazing people will approach me in the supermarket to give me their advice and opinions on raising my children. It first really shocked me and made me very uncomfortable, but now I think its quite entertaining. You can very easily become very upset and offended by friends and strangers suggestions on how to raise your children. I think what people forget is that all children are different, they do things differently, they handle things differently and they respond to things differently. So as parents we must be different, what works for one parent/child does not work for every parent/child.

I first felt the sting of fellow mommies opinions when I was not able to continue breast feeding my first son. She was very judgemental like I choose not to breast feed him. When the reality was I lost my milk and tried everything to get it back. I was already feeling like a horrible mommy and I didn't need her to criticize me, I needed a fellow mommy to support and uplift me. I mean that is what we are supposed to do right?!?! Instead she preached to me how important breast feeding is for my child and its my job as his mom to do what's best for him. I just smiled at her and kept my feelings and tears inside because I knew I was and will always do what's best for my child. I think breast feeding is great but it's not for every mommy and baby and I would never judge someone with how they choose to take care of their child. What is MOST important is that child eats.

I wish more mommies would uplift instead of judge and criticize. Its so important that we support each other instead of tear each other down. The saying "it takes a village to raise a child" is so true except now our villages are friends,mommy groups and even strangers we run into. So we must support each other and encourage each other.

Learning to be a parent

No one ever tells you how to be a parent, you watch how other people do it, watch parents on TV and try and trust your own instincts. But it is inevitable you will make a mistake. I didn't realise what a learning curve I would have when it came to parenting my own child. You go about your day doing what you think is great parenting and then you read an article or have a behavior that is developing you don't like and then you realize you have been doing things wrong all along.

This has just happened to me. I joined a group on facebook called positive parenting, they posted an article about parenting a defiant child. Not that Tristen is really defiant but I am starting to see aggressive behaviors that is he is refusing to change. Come to find out kids before the age of 6 do not understand the word "don't". So when you say "Don't touch that" they hear "touch that". Well no wonder T smiles and then touches whatever we tell him not to. The best approach is to tell and show them what you want them to do. Which is pretty common sense but for some reason didn't occur to me when it came to the DVD player and TV. I model soft and gentle touch when it comes to Connor but didn't think to apply that to the other things he hits.

Also in the article it talked about 3 different parenting approaches and steps to follow with the proper approach. I have posted them below for anyone who would like to learn more.

There are so many parenting tips and tools but until you run into an issue you don't realize what to do. And what is more interesting what works for one child may not work for the other. I swear my kids need to come with owner's manual so I know how to best approach each of them to get them to behave. I also have to keep reminding myself that Tristen is only 17 months old and just because he gets things easily doesn't mean he really understands what I am trying to tell him to do.

Approaches

A passive approach says, “Approve of me, love me, is it okay with you if___.” A passive approach does not engender respect or compliance, so a passive person often resorts to manipulation or ‘going through the back door’ to get their needs met. Passive communication is not effective communication.

 

An aggressive approach says, “I am right and you are wrong, no matter what.” It often includes threats, blame, severe consequences or “you” statements that are focused solely on the other person. An aggressive approach invites a defensive response and engenders fear. Aggressive communication is not effective communication.

 

An assertive approach says, “Do this,” in a clear and respectful manner with a voice of no doubt. With children, follow these steps to deliver an assertive command:

1. Establish eye contact by approaching the child, getting down on his/her level and moving closer until he/she notices you. For easily distracted children, you may need to get as close as six inches.
2. Verbally tell the child what you want him/her to do. State your expectations clearly and simply. Be certain that the statement is formulated in the positive… focus on what you want them to do and paint a clear picture with your words. “Hold my hand so you are safe when we cross the street.” “Give me the scissors. They are sharp and could cut you.” “Use a quiet voice while we are in the museum.” “Pick up the markers and put them in the shoe box.”
3. Give visual, auditory and tactile cues as often as possible. Demonstrate a gentle touch, gesture in the direction you wish the child to move, practice what a soft voice sounds like, etc.
4. Send the nonverbal message “just do it” with the tone of your voice and with your nonverbal stance as you give the command. If your nonverbal cues are passive, your child may easily refuse. If your nonverbal cues are aggressive, your child will resist in self-defense. When nonverbal and verbal communication both say, “Just do it,” you let the child know your command has meaning.
5. Celebrate your child’s success. The minute the child begins to show any degree of compliance, jump in with praise. Even if s/he wasn’t really going to comply, s/he likely will comply once you begin to praise him/her. “Good for you,” “You did it,” and “way to go” followed by a description of the child’s action are great ways to celebrate them without judging. “Way to go! You’re reaching for my hand so we can cross the street safely!”
6. If your child chooses not to comply, repeat the request and say, “I’m going to show you what to do.” Lead the child gently and instructively in completing the request. Say, “I’m going to show you how to cross the street safely” and take the child’s hand in yours.

Information from the website: http://www.consciousdiscipline.com/resources/challenging_behavior.asp

2 boys....10 days....Oh Boy!!

Why is it so impossible to shop for my children. Tristen is 17 months and Connor is 3 months, it's not like they are EVER going to remember what I bought them. I always have such a hard time finding that "one special" gift. What I keep trying to tell myself is "they rather play with the box than the toy anyway". So why am I stressing?!?!

On the list of things for Tristen, a play kitchen, trucks, tool bench, pedal car and art set. All of which encourage imagination, I am tired of all the toys that make noise and light up. What happened to creative play, I feel like it's gone out the window. Everything works with a push of a button instead of kids making the sound the toy does.

Connor is a bit easier because he has a ton of hand me downs from Tristen. I think I am just getting him a bumbo chair. Because I am cheap I will be going to Once Upon a Child ( a used children's boutique) to save some money. Like the Duggars always say "buy used and save the difference"

It's sad that most people focus so much on what they get they do not put enough thought into the giving. This year my husband and I are not buying anyone gifts. Instead we picked a group to donate too. It's the spirit of the holidays and I think too many of us forget to give especially to those who need it the most.

Ready....Set...Compare

I might get some flack for saying this, but I keep comparing my children. So far they are about as different as you can get. My first son Tristen is super energetic, cannot keep still, very moody and loud, he is advanced physically and is in general a handful. My second son Connor is the ideal baby, he sleeps a lot, very quite and calm, content and not as physical as Tristen was.

I keep finding myself looking back at Tristen's pictures and videos to see what he was doing at 3 months and I am finding myself comparing the two.  When Tristen was 3 months old he was trying to roll over, sitting in his bouncer with no problems and sitting in the tub for his bath. Connor is just holding up his head, wants to sit up but no where near that yet.

 I remember when Tristen was this age, telling my other mommies the things he was doing and all of them were in shock. I always made them worry that their babies were not doing what they were supposed to be doing or they were not doing what they were supposed to do. I could see it on their faces that I made them feel bad. I ended up not talking about what Tristen was doing because I was starting to feel like I was losing friends because of it. To me what he was doing was normal and I knew it wasn't something I was doing that was making him do things early. I am comparing the two boys and now feel like I am not doing what I did with Tristen some how and Connor is not where he is supposed to be. I  just didn't realize how freaky strong Tristen was because I had never been around another baby to compare.

I am trying not to compare Connor to Tristen. It was evident the day Connor was born that he was nothing like his older brother and it's not good nor bad just different. So I just have to keep reminding myself I am the same mom to Connor as I was to Tristen and just because he doesn't roll at 3 months doesn't mean I am not the same Mommy.

I just hope that I do not push Connor to be just like his brother because what makes Connor special is the fact he is unique and not just like his brother.

Woman + Babies = Mush

I have to admit I was not the strongest person emotionally before I had kids. I would cry when I was super happy or sad. Now that I have kids though I am a complete mush. I cry over everything now and no its not postpartum. I mean I cry when my kids do something new, when they out grown clothes, when T says a new word or does something cute/funny and I cry almost every time I see Connor smile, it's the sweetest little smile. 

I used to think I was the only one who did this but after talking to fellow mommies it sounds like this is just part of motherhood.  Could it be a hormonal change? Could it just be because we love them so much? Or does motherhood make you a wuss?

I think it's a combo of all of the three. The things our bodies go through to produce a little human being. Even after having two kids I still question how in the world do they fit in there. It's just the most amazing thing to me and just thinking about how I created these perfect little boys makes me tear up.

The love I have for my babies is so deep. When they fall my stomach literally drops because the thought of them getting hurt actually causes a physical reaction in myself. To describe it, it's like when you go over a hill to fast in your car and you get that funny feeling in your stomach. It almost tickles and that's the feeling I get when I think one of my kids might hurt themselves. I think its because they come from me so I have a deeper connection to them that way.

I also think Motherhood has made me stronger and weaker in many ways. I can function on a lot less sleep, I can handle alot more stress and I think faster on my toes then I used to. I also feel weaker in some aspects. I cry over the little things they do because I am sooo happy or excited for them. I  think a little slower because all I do is narrate my day, sing ABC's, read kiddie books, watch learning cartoons and baby talk (to Connor) all day long so when it comes time to have an adult conversation it's almost a strain.

With all the ways Motherhood has changed me I was not prepared to become a mush over my kids. Before I had kids I would see a mom with her child and laugh over the way she would talk to them like they understood in the grocery store. I would think to myself when I become a parent I am going to be different but little did I know or understand what a mom is and what she does for her children. I used to think my mom was such a wuss and didn't understand why she would tear up all the time over little things. Now... not only do I look just like her but I cry just like her too and I am 100% positive my kids will roll their eyes at me, just like I did my mom, when I start to cry over something little.

I always say I have my dream job. I think its such a blessing that I am able to be with my kids all day everyday. I would not trade the long days and nights for anything. I am proud of my mushiness because without it I would not have beautiful boys!

Entertaining a Toddler

I never realized how hard it would be to entertain a toddler. I mean they are little and easily excited about things so I thought it would be simple...what I didn't factor in was their short attention spans. Normally it's not an issue because we just go to our community park and run off some energy. For the days we cant get out of the house it becomes a HUGE issue with my VERY active toddler. So I thought I would share some things that have really helped me keep my busy toddler occupied.

So a while back on a rainy day I was looking for ideas to keep my very busy toddler occupied. So we had art day! We colored and painted pictures for daddy and we also played with some edible playdough. The painted was not a success because he kept putting the paint brush in his mouth and would cry because the paint tastes horrible so we moved on to the playdough pretty quickly. Tristen didn't quite understand that you don't just eat the playdough but you cut out of it with the cookie cutters. Tristen really liked it for what he understood. The recipe is super easy: 1 cup flour, 1 cup peanut butter and a 1/4 cup honey.

Flash Cards are a very fun activity for my toddler. We point to the pictures and are working on our animal sounds. To me his sound for dog, cat, horse and cow pretty much sound the same but he just loves it when I make a big deal with the sounds he made. We are also working on colors and numbers. I am not sure how much he really understands but he will sit for about 30 minutes while we go through the cards.

Puzzles are also a hit in our house for about 30 minutes. Some of the puzzles he can put together and some he cannot quite get yet.

Pretend Cooking is a family hit. He loves to have us sit on the floor and he will stir in his bowl and pot and then feed us. He laughs every time and will do this all day if we let him.

Building blocks is one of his favorites and actually prefers to build on his own unless you just sit there and watch him. You can see it in his face he is thinking really hard about what he wants to build and will throw a fit if you place anything on his tower because that's not the vision he had. His daddy does the samething :)

In a pinch I do let him watch cartoons and baby Einstein videos. I try and explain what is going on in the shows so he isn't just watching TV. I will use TV so I can get things done and I don't feel bad about it. I know there are a lot of moms that are horrified right now and I think its great if they can entertain their toddler and put away laundry, do dishes, clean the house, cook and feed a newborn without having to distract their toddler with the TV but this mom does.

So those are some of our inside activities that work like a charm. What I have learned is as soon as you think you have it all figured out your toddler will switch things up and keep you guessing. So I am sure in a month none of these things will work and I will have to find all new ones. That's what keeps me busy and entertained and I am thankful I can stay at home and keep my toddler busy :)